And... we’re back.
Another day. Another virtual school day. Another attempt to re-discover my voice in between the pages of this diary.
Before I get into what I want to get into, I must say, I was completely bugging out that it snowed yesterday in the middle of April. (Global warming and climate change are real, people..but that’s a conversation for a different time). I’m currently in Boston, living in a mid-sized apartment with my mom. We try not to drive each other crazy, but today in between our virtual meetings, we both found ourselves staring at the snow. As I was watching outside of the window, with my hands pressed against the cold glass, I was truly amazed by the sight of snow in the middle of April...but hey that’s Boston for you.
Nonetheless, watching the snow and how it settled on the ground, made me become lost in my own thoughts. Like snow, thoughts come and go. Maybe even more frequently in this strange time we find ourselves in.
Right now, the world is in a strange place. The concept of days have faded. I truly don’t know what day it is anymore. Today is just today.
We wake up, after hitting snooze 5 times on our alarms, only to get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to make crappy coffee (that we hope tastes like starbucks or dunkin). And of course, this is done before getting back into bed or sitting at our desk, in our sweatpants, while logging on to virtual “college”. Honestly, I’m about a month away from graduating and virtually leaving college behind, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Is that weird? Is it weird to be excited for the unknown? That’s the thing you know, during this time in lockdown, I’ve become alone with my thoughts. Quarantine has forced me to overthink, but think nonetheless.
And I’m not just talking about thoughts of “where is the brand going?” (although I am thinking that) or “what do I want for dinner?” (I’m thinking that too). But I am thinking deeper stuff like “what triggers my anxiety?” or “why do I dream what I dream?” or “why the hell do we doubt ourselves so much?”. You know, hidden thoughts like that.
I call these “hidden thoughts” because I don’t think you’d tell someone you’re thinking them. But I believe, the voice that I lost lies somewhere within these thoughts. So...unhidden they shall become.
In fact, these thoughts will be explored here… in the diary. I’ll aim for twice a week and maybe reach out to you too and ask what you’re thinking. Maybe just maybe we could be thinking the same thing.
The goal, as always, is to answer these questions but to really use these questions to find my voice again.
I guess next time, you and I will explore the one thought that has been hiding in my mind for quite some time: self doubt.
Till next time,