Carter's Story

What's your story?

Took me a while to open this doc and even get started. Now that I have I don’t know what to say. I’m privileged to be born into the situation I was and have an amazing and loving family. I never took the time to feel sorry for myself because how could I. Instead I devoted everything I had to the people around me, my solution to my own mental health was to try absorb the problems of those around me. For a while it worked, it kept me distracted. Until I found someone who I loved who I didn’t know how to help. Nothing I said or did made them feel better. It began to take a toll on me and bring about thoughts I had suppressed. To “save” myself I broke ties with this person. I felt I had betrayed myself and my code by leaving someone behind. For months I regretted it but it had gotten to the point where I had absorbed their problems and converged them with my own. I had to learn that no matter how hard it was to put my own mental health above another’s, it was the only answer. That in the end I couldn’t help everyone, that it wasn’t my job. Yet, part of me feels like I gave up on them.

What steps did you take to help yourself feel like yourself?

I felt like a quitter. Like I abandoned a friend need. That in the hardest of times their one source of relief had left them. Yet, I had to learn to care for myself first. To understand my needs and wants before taking on that of another person. So much of my happiness was devoted to making them happy. My days were spent with them, to make them feel loved and cared for. In the process I slowly isolated myself from friends and family. In an attempt to make another happy, I had begun to take from my own supply. So by taking a step away from this person, I forced myself to understand what I was going through. That I couldn’t save everyone. That my happiness shouldn’t be dependent on that of another person. I haven’t figured it out yet, what the fine line is. I’m working on it. I guess in the end, all we have is ourselves and before we can make others happy we first need to learn how to make ourselves happy.

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